


Shrekkita's Revenge.

by shrek



Category: David Bowie (Musician), Shrek Series, Shrekbowie - Fandom
Genre: David Bowie - Freeform, F/M, Incest, M/M, Multi, Shrek - Freeform, Shrekcest, Shrekkita - Freeform, shrekbowie, strange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 22:06:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrek/pseuds/shrek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Shrek/Bowie Swamp gets a visit from Shrek's sister Shrekkita. Enemy supervillain Aquaman and his minion Lord Farquaad are involved. it's wild</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shrekkita's Revenge.


      _The household of David Bowie and Shrek receives a visit from Shrekkita, Shrek's sister._
    

> It was an ordinary afternoon in the Shrek/Bowie household. Shrek —wearing a floral-printed white apron, ♪ _♫blue blue electric blue♫_ ♪ oven mitts, stiletto high heels, fishnet stockings, red lipstick, and nothing more— had been baking onion cookies, when David Bowie entered through the front door with his briefcase. 
> 
> "Honey! I’m home" David shouted. 

Shrek immediately dropped the tray of onion cookies he had been holding. “WHAT ARE YE DOIN ON MY SWAMP!!!?” Shrek roared. He didn't recognize David Bowie, even though they lived together! 

> David shivered. “Shrek,” he said to the ogre, “You know I love it when you get rough with me.” Mr. Bowie winked and set down his briefcase. He loosened his tie and closed the front door. 

Shrek angrily charged towards David. David Bowie began to worry. Perhaps Shrek was not playing around? Still, he did not have time for this. “Shrek, darling, I’m tired. I’ve just had a long day pretending to be working. See the briefcase? I don’t want to wrestle with you now, dear.” 

> Shrek was confused. “Listen, boy, I don’t know who ye are, but ya gotta get off me swamp! NOW!!” he yelled. Shrek ripped off his apron and threw it at David. 

"Shrek…. It’s me… David. David Bowie? Your one true love? Shrek, what’s going on?!" David caught a glimpse of someone — or something — hiding behind a corner, covering its mouth with its hand. It appeared to be giggling. The thing noticed David noticing it, and ran. 

 Shrek came charging towards David with a paddle. “DON’T MAKE ME SMACK YER BOTTOM UNTIL IT’S RED!! I’M WARNIN’ YA!” 

David Bowie was uncontrollably turned on by this, and absolutely wanted his pasty white ass smacked until it was as red as Lord Farquaad’s outfit, but he knew he had to find out what that giggling  _thing_  was — and why Shrek didn’t seem to recognize him. 

The thing was big, green, and slightly resembled Shrek. Perhaps it was also an ogre, but David wasn’t entirely certain. It had long brown hair and more makeup than David himself had worn during his Ziggy Stardust years. David put on his Sherlock Holmes-esque deerstalker hat and grabbed his pipe & magnifying glass. “The game is on!” he shouted, which caught Shrek’s attention. 

"WHO DARE DISTURB THE OGRELORD?" Shrek shouted from the kitchen, throwing burning-hot onions in every direction. Fortunately, David had avoided getting hit. He knew he had to get out of Shrek’s sight, unfortunately. Though he loved being around the huge, shrexy ogre. He began crawling towards the hallway which led to Shrek and David’s bedroom, when suddenly Shrek began blasting "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor" at maximum volume. David turned his head to see Shrek, who had put on his black, "emo" wig. Darn, David Bowie loved it when his Shrekky became "Emogre". He was upset that he had to miss out on it. Shrek began breakdancing in the kitchen. David used this opportunity to escape the room, and ran into the hallway. 

"HEHEHEHEHE" A loud, high-pitched, chipmunk-esque giggle could be heard, emitting from the bedroom. For a moment, David thought Shrek accidentally left his Michael Jackson records playing. Then he remembered they don’t own any Michael Jackson records. The bedroom door was cracked open slightly. David peeked through, but the entity in the room noticed him immediately.   
"ENTER!" it yelled, with a much lower-pitched voice than the giggle had anticipated. It was almost demonic, yet feminine. It sounded like an effeminate woman's voice with the pitch lowered extremely. "I HAVE BEEN EXPECTING YOUUUU!!!" it yelled. 

"What are you doing in my swamp!!?" David Bowie shouted. He smiled to himself. "I never thought I’d be saying that. It’s usually Shrek.." David got lost in his thoughts. He truly loved Shrek. The ogress approached David Bowie and he snapped out of it. 

The bedroom door whipped open. “What are you doing with my wife!” Shrek yelled. 

"Shrek, darling, you remember me!" David shouted ecstatically. He thought Shrek was referring to _him_ as his wife. 

"What? Listen, buddy, I do NOT remember you! I’ve never met you! Now step away from my lovely wife Shrekkita!" Shrek demanded. 

David’s mouth was agape. He was so stunned that he could not speak. "..Shrekkita?!" he choked out. His eyes began to water. 

"Oh, Shrek, darling, take me NOW!" Shrekkita commanded in a high-pitched, chipmunk-esque voice. 

"Take ya where, darlin’?" Shrek said with hearts in his eyes. David Bowie wondered how Shrek had small beating hearts in his eyes. He theorized that magic must have been involved. 

"Tee-hee" Shrekkita giggled and then ripped off her clothes. David Bowie fainted at the sight.

—————————————————-

Hours had passed by, David assumed as he awoke into consciousness.   
"Sorcery.." David Bowie wheezed, "It was sorcery". 

"Shrekkita, my sweet onion, did ya hear somethin’?" Shrek asked his partner, who was next to him in bed. Shrekkita was completely nude, Shrek still had his bra and g-string thong underwear on. 

"KISS ME, YOU FOOL!" Shrekkita shouted and she forced her mouth onto Shrek’s. David rose from the ground. he felt a little like Jesus. Shrek’s eyes widened as he tried to push Shrekkita off of him. 

"Shrek! Shrek it’s me." David yelled, "This isn’t you! You’re being controlled. Shrek, I need you. Please.." Shrek made eye contact with David. A tear rolled down David’s cheek. 

Shrek threw Shrekkita off of him and she rolled off of the bed. The ground shook a little. Shrek ran to David and embraced his cheek with his big ogre hand. It was exactly like Dean and Castiel in supernatural, season 8, episode 17, goodbye stranger, in the crypt, except it was shrek and david bowie.

David Bowie held onto Shrek’s arm as he was being embraced. They gazed into each others eyes for a few moments, until Shrekkita moved toward them. 

Shrek turned his head, furrowed his brows, and squinted his eyes. “…Shrekkita?” 

Shrekkita gulped but still had hope. “Yes, dear?” 

"What are ya doin’ here? Why are ya naked?" Shrek asked his sister Shrekkita. 

"Uhh.." Shrekkita had no good answer. "It’s all been a dream!" she shouted before jumping out the window and running away. 

Shrek began to realize what had happened. “OH MY… THAT WAS MY SISTER!! I..” 

David Bowie embraced Shrek in his arms and cooed him. “Shhh,” he said as he patted the big green ogre’s back, “It’s all ogre now.” 

Aquaman peeked through the open window which Shrekkita had just busted through. "Now's my chance.." he said. Shrek and David immediately looked over at the window. Aquaman was frozen in place. "Did I say that out loud?" he said and then laughed nervously. Cheeks flushed with embarrassment, he flew away. 

David Bowie and Shrek were too traumatized from the Shrekkita situation to care about the Aquaman situation. And so, Aquaman found himself back in his underwater lair. His sidekick Lord Farquaad was there, ready to assist his every whim. Aquaman watched Shrek and David Bowie hug on his giant computer screen on the wall. His underwater lair looked like a typical villain's lair. Aquaman rubbed his hands together like a fly as he prepared for his next scheme to get revenge on Shrek and David Bowie. Shrekkita walked into the main room of Aquaman's lair. "Anything I can do for you, sir?" she asked. 

Aquaman shouted "NO!" at the top of his lungs and telepathically pushed Shrekkita away. He sat back down in front of his computer and continued to watch Shrek and David. Lord Farquaad stared at Aquaman. He was in love with him, but it was unrequited. "What are you staring at?! Go take the ogress to the dungeon!" Aquaman commanded Lord Farquaad. 

"Yes, sir!" he replied and escorted Shrekkita away. 

Shrek and David Bowie spent the rest of the day doing domestic things. Shrek baked an onion casserole, David built a birdhouse. Shrek yelled at David for making yet another fucking birdhouse. David smiled and Shrek couldn't stay angry any longer. Everything was back to normal. 

But not for long... At least in Aquaman's mind. He would ruin their lives even if it meant risking his own. 


End file.
